High as a kite
By Kaze • 2 minutes read
High as a freaking kite
And I’m not taking about drugs or alcohol! From the moment I took the bus, from my late evening bath, I feel great, and in control of my thoughts. On the bus, I was aware of my anxiety, but was and to rationalize it. I felt guilt, but instead of shaming myself, I made me realize what was going on, and how to avoid it next time. You know? Like a freaky fully developed adult!
Hi, I’m Kaze, I suffer from Borderline personality disorder (aka BPD) and I’m about to crash hard!
But first, I must say that I really enjoy the state of mind. It’s been a while since the last time I was able to ‘meditate’. In my evening bath, I acknowledged the fact that we have phases in life. Despite thinking we stay roughly identical (mentally) through life, we don’t (or at least, I didn’t). I can clearly see phases, things I used to believe, things that acted like lifebuoy. And they don’t work anymore, those tricks. And to make matter worse, I blamed myself for those failures. They are not failures?! It’s just that they haven’t evolved like I did, and that’s okay. It’s fine, really!
But I know the crash is coming soon. That’s usually how things work with BPD. And… I don’t really care, because I prefer enjoying my own brain while I can, and maybe, Maybe… Tomorrow will by a fine day.
I’m thinking of what has changed today…
- I had an orthodontist appointment (I really enjoy those, the staff is so amazing)
- I took the bus to go to work (usually I work from home)
- The weather was really pleasing.
So next time I feel bad I should take the bus on a sunny spring day to ?visit my orthodontist? Sure, I’ll try that 🤣